Meditate on His Word
So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips. When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches, For You have been my help, And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.
Psalm 63:4-8
Today's Message - A True Encourager Trusts in the Lord, and Him Alone
Proverbs 3: 5-6
I recently had occasion to hear an interesting account of an individual who was trying desperately and earnestly to help a close friend who was in a difficult situation. The one who was attempting to help could recognize a need, and in her effort to provide a solution and to encourage her friend, she was relentlessly insisting upon a certain course that she thought would effectively deal with the problem. The only concern was that her prescribed method for helping was not a help at all; rather, the "helper friend" was only creating another layer of problems for the one in need. (FYI: Neither the helper or the one being helped are from the Philadelphia area, and/or SHBC)
The discussion soon brought both of us to the critical issue of how and when we encourage/help one another. Are we always encouraging and providing assistance with every effort to be God's arm of love in the lives of those we encounter? Do we help others after hearing the Lord; or are we assuming the role of "THE BOSS" who has the one remedy that we believe must be followed. Are we seekers of truth from the One who is "The Way, The Truth and The Life," or are we seekers of our own methods and means for addressing an issue that is defined by our limited understanding and self-centered motives.
THE BOSSES in our lives usually see themselves as helping, but they are not working with us or for us. Rather they are dictating and imposing their direction; thereby ignoring and hiding the presence of God who is standing and waiting to provide the solution. Many times "THE BOSS" person believes that she/he embodies or possesses the key ingredient to resolve the problem at hand. The BOSS' solution is often related to something he/she is accustomed to doing, something she has done in the past, and/or something that keeps her involved. In other words, the motives of THE BOSS are suspect since this individual is usually overly involved in having the product look just like he/she designed. The BOSSES in our lives frequently operate independently from God and may even argue with you about not following their advice without question.
Another risk of dealing with those who assume the posture of THE BOSS is that they want to be your director and not a spiritual encourager. Sadly, this confines the Boss to a fleshly and not Godly perspective, making any advice suspect. All of us must realize that being invited into a vulnerable person's life should be humbling. We ought fall on our face before the Lord and understand the fact that on "our best day," He wants us only as a vessel and not "a God" in the person's life. When we get that mixed up, we miss the blessing of participating in an event that shows us and others that "God is God." During times when the flesh prevails, we are likely to overly personalize all of the messages, and focus on things that are not important. We are vulnerable to 'majoring in the minor things,' and forget or ignore the major issues.
When we act like The BOSS, whether or not the person accepts us and our way for finding the answer becomes equal to any concern for what God is doing and why He allowed the problem in the first place. In addition, 'who does what' may become more important than encouraging a hurting heart. As we miss the real need and as we become focused on meeting our own needs, we end up being a discourager or a "sounding brass" (even behind the smile and nice words). Any time we discount what God is saying about the person's needs, feelings, and thoughts, we discount the person. Let's face it, when we put on The BOSS' hat, we begin to sit in the seat of judge, the smarter person, the more appropriate person, and/or the one who has the answers to everyone's life's questions. We serve ourselves behind a veil of "niceness;" thus we help no one (not even ourselves).
As a people who belong to the Most High God, we need to "get over ourselves" and understand that everything in life is not about us. God gives us opportunities to both grow and participate in other's growth, with every encounter in life. We, who intend to help, should consider our words carefully because "death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruit."(Prov. 18:21). The individual who is not in accordance with the will of God is most likely an agent of "silent death" that comes from the invisible words of advice that mislead, confound and destroy the one whom we propose to help.
The good news is that when we walk in the presence of God, we will know when to be silent, when to speak in a way that the person will hear God, or when to share hard truths in a way that is according to God's Sovereign purpose. We soon learn that trivia such as clothing, nails, hair beauty, wax in the ear, even food between the teeth, should not be distractions. In fact, we may want to consider that when we think of such insignificant matters, we are not trying to help, but to control. There is a time and a place to help with superficial matters. Remember, when a person is in the midst of great pain, there is no time to tell or question a person regarding "dumb stuff," nor is the time to satisfy "what inquiring minds want to know." A time of trouble is an occasion to hear God and to become His extension in the life of the person whom we would like to help.
Let's face it; the right word at the right time can only come from God - as He is the only one who knows the heart and mind of all mankind. He alone knows what each of us requires for getting through challenging times. We dare not usurp God's role, rule, and right as we demonstrate a self-centered determination to be "in charge." Words of life, hope and encouragement require that we hear God regarding the person we are trying to help, and hear them as they assist us in knowing what God would have for us to consider. The right word at the right time will bring renewed energy and hope, and confirm the power of God. Proverbs 12:20:21 states "Words satisfy the soul as food satisfies the stomach; the right words on a person's lips bring satisfaction. Those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life."
Child of God, let's remember that we have the choice as to whether we encourage with the words that God has ordained, or fall into the trap of affirming ourselves by having our will imposed in the life of another. Remember, we cannot choose for anyone other than ourselves. Here are some tips to let you know if you are attempting to gain self- satisfaction and control:
" You are trying to help someone who refuses to listen to you or heed your advice, and now you are angry with them and you are taking the rejection personally.
" You are trying to help someone who is in great emotional pain, and somehow you slip in that they need their hair done.
" You are trying to help someone who cannot find an answer to their dilemma and you are angry that they took someone else's advice and not yours.
" You are trying to help someone who is not saved, and when they reject the message you begin to yell and argue about the plan of salvation.
" You are trying to help someone by giving them something that they need and they are not acting as if they are grateful. You are angry because they never said thank you and they are not giving you something to meet your needs in return.
" You like buying shoes, so you attempt to help someone to feel good by giving them a new pair of shoes. Unfortunately, you never stop to find out if they have a house full of shoes, but have no dresses. In other words you tell people what they want according to your preferences and needs, without taking time to find theirs.
Our key for living as a "helper person" is found in the life of Christ. We should continue on course, for the sake of His name, and with a servant's mentality as we help with the resources that God gives. Our love and service is first to God and than to one another. That is the work of the church. Since all of us fall short, the most important thing for each to do is not to think of someone else to whom this meditation might apply, but each of us should examine ourselves - that we might be workmen worthy of hire. To God Be the Glory for the great things He has done.
© Evelyn Barnes 2008 All Rights Reserved
